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March 28, 2022

Ep. 45 | Know, Like, & Trust Can Put You In Another Cycle of Shame with Nicole Laino

Ep. 45 | Know, Like, & Trust Can Put You In Another Cycle of Shame with Nicole Laino

Guest Nicole Laino, that is going to be sharing her story but also giving her take on something that I know a lot of you that have been pursuing a business or have been in the industry for a while hearing that good ole "know like and trust" factor...


Guest Nicole Laino, that is going to be sharing her story but also giving her take on something that I know a lot of you that have been pursuing a business or have been in the industry for a while hearing that good ole "know like and trust" factor that a lot of people force on you and tell you that you must have.

Nicole will be sharing today with you why that could be a problem for you.

And we dive even deeper into the evolutions of you.
Transcript

Danielle Aime  0:01  
You want to live where you can fully embrace yourself. You want to live life on purpose and on your terms. You want to tap deeper into your soul as you grow into your purpose work, and you no longer want to hide in the shadows. Hey, I'm Danielle, Amy, and I am obsessed with helping human team and I am on a mission to normalize that we are here to feel, heal, experience, connect and grow. I have transformed many darker sides of this journey into the most incredible life, I could imagine. My ducks aren't always in a row. In fact, I think I lost one. But yet I have created a beautiful family comfortable lifestyle and a freedom based business along the way, all while learning to love and accept myself as a soul that's on a human experience. Through my intuitive teachings, real talks and guest interviews, I can help you as we help the world to love ourselves just a little bit more. Hello, and welcome, everyone to today's show, I think we have a really fascinating topic that we're going to be getting into. And we also have a wonderful guest with us. And we have Nicole lleno, that is going to be sharing her story but also giving her take on something that I know a lot of you that have been pursuing business or have been in the industry for a while hearing that Google know like and trust factor that a lot of people force on you and tell you that you must have. And she's going to be sharing today with you why that could be a problem for you. So for one, welcome. It's really great having you on the show. And to get things started, I would really like to hear when and why did you transition from corporate to basically get you to where you are in doing what you do today?

Nicole Laino  1:38  
Well, first of all, thank you for having me, and I'm happy to talk about that. Hello, everybody I am I'm excited to be here. So I got into corporate kind of by accident. I'm smart, I love analytics. I love organization I love I I'm I'm a type A person sort of by nature, I have a lot of energy, I should say that I have a lot of energy. I always say that I'm a type a hippie that I bridged those two worlds because because I I have a lot of energy I love to do, I'm ambitious, I'm driven. So I but I was an actor growing up. I was an actor growing up, I acted and then like actors do we run out of money. And I grew up in New York, I was acting in New York and I attempt because rather than waiting tables which I had done and did not enjoy any more really the hours more than anything else. I was like I really don't want to do that while I'm trying to get acting gigs I'd rather work in an office in that environment use my skills use use the use the skills that I have, like I'm a great administrator. I'm a great team player, like why can't I do that instead? So I did I attempt and then I got offered a full time job because the company that hired me big Wall Street bank love me love the work that I was doing and that turned into you know, extending my contract that turned into a full time gig fast forward six years later I climbed the corporate ladder I'm doing wonderfully there but I have the the shine on that had really worn away for a while it was using my gifts and I think that that's that's what we do we get excited when we're able to when we're able to shine someplace and and I did have ability there. I did work really well they're and for a while it felt great. I was being rewarded for it. It was it felt like oh, maybe this is right for me. But then I became creatively site stifled because it was definitely an it's a very filtered environment. I really felt like at one point, I took improv classes again, because I felt like I had completely lost all of my, my, my natural instincts. I was like, I don't even know who I am anymore. That was really how it felt. And I'm in this I have this like on paper this perfect life. I'm making all this money. I have like the fancy shoes, the fancy outfits I'm on like in this fancy building. And I feel alone, I feel I went into a clinical depression. And I was and not in a woe is me way. I hit that I got help. When they told me what I had. I was offered drugs. And I was like, No, I think I need to feel this. I think this is exactly. I'm supposed to know what this is. I'm supposed to I'm not supposed to numb it so that I can continue doing what I'm doing. No, I think my body and my soul is trying to it's knocking really loud and telling me it's time for you to move. It's time for you to do something else. So I think I need to be present for this moment. And I was and I left. And when I left. I did not know what I was going to do. My husband luckily was like, Yeah, let's let's do something else. And I was like, I want to move to LA and I want to go back to being an actor because it's the only thing I know. And he was like Sure. God bless him. And we went and when I was there I was just exploring myself and I think naturally with who I am being a type a hippie, being creative being this sort of free spirit at heart but also being rooted in driving ambition and, and having this energy to work and to love the work that I do, which now that I do human design, I know exactly why I'm a manifesting generator, I'm meant to love what I do. Entrepreneurship was just this natural place for me to explore and experiment and do all of these things and use all of my gifts, not some of them. Everywhere I was, when I was acting, when I went back to acting after being on Wall Street, I was like, don't tell anyone you were on Wall Street, you're not gonna fit in. And then when I was on Wall Street, I was like, don't tell anyone you're an actor, because you're not gonna fit in, they're gonna think you're a big flake. And, and I was always denying myself, I was in the practice of denying myself the whole time, no matter where I was entrepreneurship, where I was like, No, I have to be all of me, or it's not going to work. I can't deny me, or that is exactly the thing that's holding me back. So I do believe it's just within this beautiful lesson. So that all happened, I left, I left my career on Wall Street in 2012. And then I started my software company in 2015, I think, and I that morphed into my coaching business. So through that, I started kind of working with people who use my software, I started coaching them for free, just sort of by talking to them and being a coach without being hired, started charging for it started to get clients. And I've been doing that ever since.

Danielle Aime  6:24  
Wow, what an amazing journey and story. I think it's so cool. I always call it like our self evolution of where we where we first start. And I think a lot of people get really hung up on that, like you you're supposed to choose something and stick with it for the rest of your freakin life. And then like time goes by, and you realize, most of the time you're making decisions off of sometimes of a person that you don't even realize who you are, because you don't even have the clarity on even who that is, you know, as that evolves, because like I had not at all similar background. But as far as similarity of, of the, the passion that pulls you back to like for me was I was an artist and a designer. And like, I constantly went back to it, then I went to the corporate world because I got my degree in business. And like it was like this push and pull. But I got like, I felt like every time I was in something so rigid, so structured, so formulated, and to where it's like you had to hide a side of yourself, otherwise, you just don't work. And any, it doesn't actually mean shame. It's just like, logic, or I don't even know what you define that as. But whenever I was in those environments, it was like for a while it worked. And I could still excel at something, but it like didn't really matter about what everybody else was saying about me. Or any accolades I got, how much I was making, or how much I was being promoted, I always kind of felt empty at the end of the day, you know, after a duration of time, because I'm very, you know, multifaceted, multi passionate, and then spiritually gifted and all these things. And it's like, until we harness that power of ourselves. A lot of stuff just doesn't work. And I think that's a good tie in to asking about, like, was there a time in your life as you were starting to transition into business? Regardless of what aspect of your business that you were ever pulled, did, like Did something happen? That that caused your personal opinion of know, like, and trust being wrong? Or was it something that you experienced through clients? Like, how did you develop that? Or how do you how did you develop the the perception that the philosophy of know like, and trust is a hindrance opposed to like, helpful?

Nicole Laino  8:31  
Well, I think it happened sometime after I you know, I was using it because that's what you're told, and you get started in something and I'm a good student. Were in the beginning, I take in information I'm, I'm coachable, I'm listening, I'm doing the things. And the thing that held me up the most was this know like and trust, and I am a I'm, I'm a people pleaser, at nature, and by nature, and most of my clients had people pleasing as a big hindrance for them. And that was what I was seeing where it was like, Okay, you're slipping, I would say like, there's four P's that keep you stuck. It's people pleasing, procrastination, perfectionism, and playing small, that if you are stuck, one of those four, or usually a cocktail of some combination of those is at work, where we can point them out. And we could say, Well, do you see how you're people pleasing here? Do you see how by not charging what you're worth? Because you're afraid that people will be upset with you that that is a form of people pleasing? It is you putting other people's needs before your own? And that there's so many ways that this this creeps into your world, with women in particular. And with that, to hear know, like and trust, I started to get really angry to hear everybody saying it because first of all, when you've been in this business for a while, you hear just everybody hops on a bad bandwagon. They're regurgitating the same things. So you were saying You got to build that know, like and trust. And I wanted to say, well eff off. Like you don't even believe that. I don't even think you know what you're talking about. I think that you heard that a million times, it feels like something that feels true to you. But it actually feels like it's, it's causing more harm. Because people hear one thing, I have to get people to like me. And they're focused on the lake. And that is a hot button trigger for a lot of people because we've been trying to be liked our whole lives. And it was for me, and I was so sick of trying to be liked, that we forget that it's really about being known. If people know you, they will trust you. That doesn't mean that they will trust you in a good way. They will trust that they know who you are. And that's your job is to get through that. Because the right ones, then who trust you, your people will like you automatically, you don't have to try for it. You don't have to work for it. It doesn't have to be in the know like and trust. It doesn't have to be in the formula, where it allows you to slip into automatically going into like an old program of trying to be liked. If you're focusing on getting people to know you really know you not with when you put the light in there, it's like okay, well, how can I get them to know me? So they like me? It's not that how can I get them to know me so deeply that they trust that every word out of my mouth is the truth, as I know it to be, I don't particularly care for and I'm not to get into politics. I don't particularly care for Donald Trump. I trust that I know who he is, though. Like, I know him. I don't like him. I'm not his people. They're his people. They like him very much. And they trust that they know who he is. So when people say that they're like, I don't trust everybody that I know. And it's like no, but the beard see the the correlation that I'm drawing, it's when people know you and they know your truth that you are transparent, you are authentic with them. Then you will get that trust and the right people will like you automatically they will hop right on board with you. They will be like I don't know what it is I I like her that will happen naturally. So I that's that was really it was more dissecting it and looking at it it's like like is a byproduct of the knowing the trust

Danielle Aime  12:25  
Yeah, very much so I love your take on it one that was like so incredibly at least for me on an emotional level like deep because I think because I'm so I haven't been I mean I have obviously I think we all have tendencies of people pleasing but on that everyday basis I wasn't a people pleaser. So I it's a really amazing perspective for me to have is because there are so many humans that are people pleasers. And so what the what it was making me feel though inside of thinking of others that have struggled or still struggle with this is is that whole in San Jose, it's almost an aspect of desperation to want me like me. Hey, see me. But where was really pulling me to that I didn't even know where we're gonna like really go today is I feel like what is your your take on this is who talking to the because it's a woman. It's a woman, we're talking to you right now. And she doesn't know who she is. So she doesn't know how to show up. And it's not about just being liked. It's just like, how does she know? What if, I don't know, I almost feel it more emotionally than verbally. Like, it's it's like in the heart center. And it's so like, gut wrenching. It's sad. It's like that that self insecurity of as I am, I'm not enough who I am. I'm not enough. You know, how shall I be seen ever? How shall I ever be heard? I don't know where this is coming from. This is a new.

Nicole Laino  13:52  
You're channeling right now I'm with you.

Danielle Aime  13:56  
So like, I feel like I almost want to just say Can you feel me on that? And can we talk on that feeling? Like, let's talk to that woman? Like what would you tell her? Because if she is so worried about being liked, but really she probably doesn't like herself? Like how do we go there?

Nicole Laino  14:12  
Well, I mean, you're I have like, tingles right now. So I'm so into this conversation. I'm excited that we're having thank you for taking it here. Virtual this is kind of what I do. This has become my mission. Because I think that I denied myself for a long time. I didn't think I was worthy of being seen. So much so that we end up compartmentalizing ourselves where we don't show ourselves who we truly are. We don't recognize our own gifts, that it's hard for us that we are in the practice of denying what makes us wonderful that we it's it's almost like personality dysmorphia. What other people see we don't that they see these wonderful things about us and we we won't we're not comfortable receiving that praise. We're not comfortable receiving that because As somewhere along the line, we locked it away. Somewhere along the line, we were told that it wasn't safe to be that much of ourselves. Someone made us feel bad for being that way. I mean, there's a million reasons that you can end up in this space. And I work with a lot of women who are introverted, who are successful in their own right. But taking that next step of empowerment is, is a big one for them. You know, they hide behind like, Well, I'm a mom, I'm this I'm that these other identities, that so much so that you distract yourself from who you really are at your core. This is what drew me so much to human design. And I know this isn't a human design podcast, but like where we're talking about this, but what I love about it, no. So human design, what I love about it is it gives you this, and if you've ever seen a human design chart, there's all these colors and shapes and lines and all of these things on it. And to me, the colors show you the space that you're meant to take up in the world. There's something I gave, I gave three readings in the last two days. And, and two people two of them cried during their reading, and not that I look to make people cry. But it's, it's them saying I feel like I'm being seen, I feel like you're telling me what I've always known, I feel like you're confirming everything I've been denying. And there's something that is so such a privilege for me to be able to to do that and to reflect back to somebody what they know, that maybe they have been denying, but you are meant to take up space in this world. And I don't care who you are right now I'm talking to you, no matter what you think you are or you are not you are meant to take up specific space in this world, not like anybody else. So the journey. And why I think no, no, and trust is more important than know like and trust is when you know yourself. And you are able to stand in that power of saying I am this. And I am proud of this. And I'm going to put this out here and those people trust you. When you are in that space, you are taking up the space you are meant to take in this world, you have a job, you have a job to do. And when when we look at the chart where it's colored in, that's what you're meant to put out in the world. That's the job you're meant to do. So these are the things what are the gifts, you're denying, you have power in these places that's available to you all the time. This is what you're meant to do, where it's white in the chart, you're meant to take in and reflect back you're meant to feel it and and experience it, and then share it in a different way. And by knowing that, that that's your gift. That's what we want you to That's the space you're meant to take up. That's how you're meant to hold space for people. And by understanding that, that that's such, if you haven't figured out what your space is then that you can't start the business, you can't be running the business, you're probably going to run into a lot of trouble. Or you're going to be you're going to end up with shiny object syndrome turned by everybody's strategy and everybody's testimonials. And you're going to spend a lot of money on coaches and people who can't really help you. Because you're not ready for that type of help. You're it's the opposite. You are the operating system. I say that all the time. You're the operating system. So if you're running iOS four, on your, on your phone, and then you go to update your new apps with the cool new app with the video leaps and things and to make cool reels where it like matches you with music. And you're like I don't know why this isn't working keeps crashing and my videos look like they're not coming out. And it's it. My phone keeps turning off. Yeah, well, you need to upgrade the operating system, you are not equipped to run that app yet. So that is the that's the work. That's the journey.

Danielle Aime  19:00  
Yeah, I absolutely love the you know, I'm an analogy freak. So like I love I love analogies. And that is a phenomenal analogy. It is it's the operating system of self like it's a whole thing like a lot of people here like you can't be the same person you are today to be that you know, the next version of yourself tomorrow. And that's it, your operating system is incompatible. It's not. It's not that it's wrong. It's not that it's bad. It's not that it never served a purpose. It's just not compatible with all these next new, you know, ventures these bigger, bolder, more extraordinary things, which you definitely get definitely can take place and it's just recalibrating the system, you know, upgrading the system. And so I really I like your take so I'm not like I'm, I'm interested in it. I've never like studied it fully. And I I've always been I think we're for me personally with human design. However, I have a different viewpoint of it now but when it first started coming to my world, I guess like three years ago, maybe four years ago I had a client and the reason why I was turned off by it is because so many of my clients and the Times, were trying to find a certification or trying to find a thing that when they found that thing, they would sell that thing. And then all of a sudden, like the, the, you know, the skies would rain money and live, it's gonna be amazing. They're gonna love themselves. And I'm like, yeah, no, that's not gonna work either. You might get some cool information, though. And so that was the first time somebody had a client, she's like, Well, can I run your stuff? And I'm like, I guess. Um, so I still didn't know anything about it. So I had all this information, just like in a folder in Dropbox. So it was like three years later another clients like, Hey, I'm doing Human Design. I'm like, why that? Like, what is your intention behind it? What is your intention behind it, and again, I could feel it energetically, you're trying to find a thing, because you don't really know what to do. So you're grabbing hold of something, bla bla bla. So through hard information, I learned like I was a generator, I think I'm like a four, six, whatever that means, like Staples might define. And so what she gave me though, since I wasn't so like stuck in, I was really pretty self aware, which is unusual for most people. Like to the depths of my self awareness of my limits, and blocks and all these jazz, but I found because of what she gave me, I saw that the sincerity behind it, of what this brings a person that feels like they're standing at the end of the road, and they have no idea where to begin. And that's what you the way that you said it really hit home for me that I think could hit home for so many other people is there are these little colored blocks on it. And I think even without all that information of knowing what goes where and what gate does what who thing, it's like just seeing that color can bring you a little bit more life, you know, and realizing the potential that's hidden within you and the design that you carry, and that nothing's wrong with you. Nothing's wrong with you. It's just as soon as we don't know who we are. And if we don't know what we're working with, we don't know what operating system we're dealing with here. Like how on earth is the rest of the stuff going to work out. It's not that you're broken. It's just like, maybe the label was put on wrong. And this whole time, you don't realize you got like a Windows, you don't know nothing about tech, and you got a PC going on, try to install Maq software, you know, like it's not going to happen, right? So I don't know, I think it's a really beautiful analogy to simplify the over complication of who we are. Because I think we're really simple, but yet extraordinary complex beings, if that makes sense. So, I normally I don't know, I feel like I want to I really I don't know, the whole aspect of human design is really starting to come in. And I think it's a missing piece for a lot of people. But I want to talk about how it's a missing piece, to understand self, but not necessarily a solution to bring you the glory. Because that's the kicker I have with like people going for clearings and healings and ancestral trauma, and all these things. It's just insight, and it's information. It's what you do with the information in the insight. You know, it's the same thing you get the diet plan, you get the trainer, you still have to kind of have to have some follow through. So what is your advice to those that may have already kind of figured out what shaman design that they are? Or, or whatever, like, where do they go to apply it to actually begin to become functional to them, instead of like another easy button that they're trying to press instead of living life as a human? Yeah,

Nicole Laino  23:24  
that Well, the first thing I would say is use it don't just dive in digest information, keep consuming, keep consuming, because that can be a pattern that you are just now the pattern you've been going through forever, where you distract yourself with information and you don't actually put it into into practice. Like I said, I'm a type a hippie. So I looked at this, what drew me to human design was my own kind of awakening through it where I just where I started to use it. And I started to see real results. And I'm always looking at how can I get the most out of my clients? How can I help them get and for me, it's about getting to the truth of who they are getting to, you know, how can you not only know yourself but feel comfortable enough to put it out there? Maybe you're maybe there are other avenues for you that you're better suited for maybe isn't Instagram maybe it's maybe you do belong even though there's people influencers telling you like you don't need to do sales calls you don't I don't do this. I don't do that. And it sounds very sexy to people. I don't do calls. I don't do this. I charge $40,000 a month for private coaching. I'm part of the cool girls club, and I'm not knocking it I just I think it makes a lot of people feel like they have to do it that way. And it's like no if you feel better doing one to one with and talking to people and building relationships, and then we look at your chart and see that you actually are built that way. I just did a masterclass I called it permission to be exceptional because it's it's gives you permission to do it to quiet the noise because it's new noisy, its noisy out there, everybody's telling you that their way is the best way. And what I use it for is to help you figure out what your way is when you know your way, when you know how to check in with yourself, because to me, I think the most powerful thing about human design, it's your strategy and your authority. It's understanding what those strategies and authority are, there are nuances within that as well. So I do recommend if you if you feel like you're called to that to that modality that you're called to human design, find somebody who will work with you don't just go through information, because you'll you'll lose a lot of the the nuances in there, and you do need somebody who is kind of immersed in it, who understands the the slight changes and can look at your chart and see how you're different than every other manifesting generator, you're all you're very different, completely different, in fact, most likely than the other ones that you know, you have one thing in common. So everybody with green eyes does not look the same. So, so think about it that way. But I look at it, what I think is the most powerful thing is your strategy. And authority gives you a decision making mechanism helps you filter the world through how you make decisions, so you can come to the best decision for you. And you stop looking for the answers outside of yourself. That you know when you're presented with things. So if you're a manifesting generator or a generator, that that strategy of responding, it's, it's telling you that if you don't feel like working in the moment, it's not about you sitting down and just doing it. That there's actually a practical way I call my framework practical manifesting, because I believe in the energy stuff, but I believe it should be practical, that that there are ways for you to create responses in your world, you're going to be best probably in a conversation like this. If you're a generator, podcasting, things like that, you might find I'll get off this call. And I'll probably sit and write content because I'm excited right now, I'm sort of lit up by this conversation. And I will be like, Okay, I'm going to use this energy I have right now. Because that's your job as a generator manager, or regular Jen, your job is to turn your gut on, where it's just like, oh, let's do this right now. And when you do that, you become magnetic because you're just you're so you're so into it, people can't help but be pulled into it. If you're a projector, waiting for an invitation doesn't mean that you sit on your bed and you wait for someone to ring your doorbell or to send you an email. No, it means you are a lighthouse, you are meant to see yourself fully see your power fully, which is the toughest thing for a projector to do. And you are meant to step out there be who you are, and allow invitations to come to you that you allow yourself to be seen fully. And when you are. So your work is being seen. Your work is being so comfortable in your power, leaning into your strengths, feeling filled up by that being so full out in the world, that people can't ignore you that Steve Martin line where he says Be so good that you can't they can't ignore you. That's like a projector thing for me. Like it's like be so good. They can't ignore you. But this is where this is where the faith comes in, then you've got it, you can't go chasing people after that. Because your energy is is going to feel uncomfortable for them. When you're doing that. Where it pulls them in, is when you show up, and you're just like, here I am. And you're beaming, and you are the lighthouse. And they are drawn to you like moths to the light. And then manifester is like you have to be talking about your big ideas, you have to be seeing things you have to be comfortable with the forward motion that you see. And speaking about that in a way that that you draw people in where they just start following you not even realizing that they're doing it. But you have to be comfortable in this energy, you have to be that person reflectors, you got to be talking about what you see in the world, what you see that's wrong, what you see, that is not sitting right with you. And how is that not sitting, right? Because that's your wisdom that nobody else can see quite like you do, because you pull in everybody else's energy. You are mirrors for the collective. So speak to the collective. And you're probably a very great coach. Because the way that people are around you, you can see things that they can't you can, you can see into them. owning that. This is how you start to start playing with that energy. Don't get caught up all in your gates and stuff. It's interesting information to know there are things to highlight, you get your chart read, and someone can tell you like these are the things that I see these are the strengths that I see. So start contemplating that start stepping into that star playing what would it mean if I were to be more of that? What would it mean if I got really comfortable with the fact that

that this is I have this energy to in storytelling, that I have this natural energy in that am I using that? How could I use that? Do I feel the call to do it? And am I am I holding back from it? That's where the information is interesting. And you can start to it's an experiment, the Human Design experiment. So it's meant to be played with it's meant to be flirted with and not seen as a yes or no right or wrong. It's it's an exploration tool. But what it does is it allows us to say, for me, I like it as a coach because I can look at your chart, and I can see where you're most likely conditioned. So if I see patterns showing up, and I look at it, I'm like, this is this gate, I see where this is coming in. And it tells me what questions to ask. It tells me what to dig into, it tells me where you're hiding the the places that you kind of, you're not living in alignment with where you want to go. It allows me to have that scalpel and perform surgery rather than be like, let's just break this thing and see if we can put it back together. Or let's dance around asking questions that are general for several months, before we get to something. It's a very specific tool. So there's so many ways that you can use it, but you really want to start you want to start with that strategy and authority you want step it to step into your your energy, your auric energy, which is that type? And how can I play with that? How can I be more of that we all want to move on to the like sexier stuff like Oh, tell me what the gates and the channels are? And it's like, start with that strategy and authority, start understanding your centers, and where that strength lies and ask yourself every day, am I doing it? Am I Am I in alignment with it? Am I using this tool?

Danielle Aime  31:41  
Yeah, I think this is this is really great. Because there's, I've never really I think you've delivered me to where I have somebody to send people to in a way of, and just even in this episode, I've had so many people along the way where when I realized like, they don't know who they are, like, they literally don't know who they are. But then the question is, is like I don't even know where to begin. Like, I don't even know where to start. And I think sometimes our mind, you know, if we're always relying on that thing, it can lead us astray, because it's attached to the visual elements, the auditory elements, etc, you know, whether trauma or literally just influenced from influencers, as we talked about a little while ago about the inundation of the screaming down your throat of how you need to be and how it needs to go and how this and it's like that, sometimes it's just their own story, it doesn't mean it's yours, and it doesn't mean it's your way. So I think is a fantastic starting point. Without having like, it's like having an injury, you know, a sprained ankle. Well, instead of being so stubborn, and trying to continuously walk on the thing, and re injuring yourself, you go get yourself a pair of crutches or a wheelchair just sit the hell down for right to like recuperate. So it's like instead of pushing the force, which is oh, it's an extremely has been frustrating for me on the other end, because it's like, that's that barrier of me of like, I can't make them do anything, I can't make them change, I can't make them see only one can see self. And I think this is a good way that somebody can meet themselves in the middle to where it's not another person telling them about what's wrong, or what's stopping or what's extraordinary even. Because even that sometimes it's really hard for people to receive when you have that piece of paper that sometimes can be intimidating, with all these little blocks with a little human thing. But taking that one small step to understand how you are designed how you're uniquely extraordinarily designed. And as you said earlier, which I thought was a great also analogy of However, just because you're a generator, or just because you're a manifesting generator doesn't mean every little person you meet the same way as you, because then it's again, attaching to somebody else's story, and somebody else's way of doing things. But it is a way and for you to understand your story of what you want, but also form the hypothesis of your life. And that is like a continuous effort because we're not here for the destination. It's the exploration of the journey of self. And I think if we give ourselves that permission to be to become and that it's like a constant state of motion, not because something's wrong, but because we desire more and that that more is okay. And that who we are is going to change you know, like because i Same thing for me, I've had moments for sure where I feel like, especially when I've overcome something that's been very limiting in my life, because I came from like suicidal depression and all this stuff. So when I really started to like myself, much less love myself, I was like, Whoa, like, yeah, let me tell this, everybody. And there was a portion of my mind that thought that because I felt that feeling. I was never going to feel sadness, like I once did before that I was never going to I actually had a thought in my mind that said I was never going to feel depression ever again. I did. I had postpartum depression with my second child, like really bad. And I denied it because I thought I was done deal. I thought it was finished. So then I really I went through the whole aspect of feeling shame, and all these other things again, And it's like that's the guess what I'm getting out with a go on a tangent guys is that that state of evolution that that constant state of warming the hypothesis is because this time around when I was in depression, or that time around when I was in depression, it wasn't the same as it was in the past, I didn't carry this, I had more information. Now I had more tools. Now I had more awareness now, but also through that occurrence, then delivered me into other directions, which then also influenced my teachings and an evolution inside of my business as the evolution of self occurred to. And I think when you give yourself permission to evolve, instead of giving yourself the force to like, be concrete, and stationary and stagnant, that's when you literally do like stagnate out, and I think lose that fulfillment. And I think that's why a lot of us probably not all, because maybe some people thrive in that because I don't know, I'm not a human design expert. But like, I didn't do well in the corporate because I felt that they did cause me in that environment, I was so stationary, and so still and so modeled. And so trying to blend, because you can't be too you know too much that I don't know it, it depletes you, you know when you're not in your power, and or allowing that power to sometimes dim out so that you can find a new way to light it or upgrade your system. You know,

Nicole Laino  36:21  
100% and, and it doesn't mean to like some people, it's not so much that they're built for corporate, but they're there, they want the security, they want you they're not built for entrepreneurship, and that's fine. What I and I work with people who are in corporate too, who, who, who aren't entrepreneurs as well, that, you know, what we're teaching them though, is how to find the fulfillment outside how to, for a lot of women how to feel so powerful that you don't back down from asking for that raise, how you know, if that's right for you, if that's really in alignment, or if that's you saying, that's how I'll feel worthy is they'll give me more money, which is a big trap in corporate, and then you get more money and you don't feel more worthy. And then you're like, well, now I need the promotion. And now I need this and they keep giving you things where they're not giving you things and you're making that the story, when really it's you're unhappy, and you're unfulfilled. And our work doesn't have to fulfill us. I mean, if you're a generator probably does to a certain degree, or you need to have something to channel that energy into. But are you doing the right things with your personal time? Are you are you lighting yourself up in the way that you're designed to be lit up in the time that you do have, where work just becomes something you do. And then you have all of this, you have this whole life happening outside? Fulfillment can come in, in many forms. But it starts with you. It starts with you understanding that you what you love, what turns you on, which is why you know, generator manifesting generator how we're all different. We're different because we you know, you're a generator, I'm a Manny, Jen, what I respond to, and what lights me up is different than what, what you respond to and what lights you up. So it's the mechanism, that's the same, our response mechanism of saying like, Ooh, let's do that. What we're saying that two is going to be different, some things will be the same, some things will be different. So it's recognizing how to start tuning into that. So because when you do that, it's the trail of breadcrumbs that the universe is leaving you is that when you follow your joy when you follow the things that are lighting you up, when you follow the truth, you're led to the thing that you've been asking for. And that's where it differs for everybody. What are you asking for?

Danielle Aime  38:44  
I love that question. I love that. I was gonna ask you what was your final words but I think that was like really fantastic final words of it is at the end of the day, it's no matter what you're looking for ever in life, it will all and it is it's eye rolling for some people like seriously it's still me always it's always you It's always us it's always self who we have to look at go stare at yourself in the mirror, you look for the problem, go stare at it, you know, or or what you feel is the problem. It's not again, like it's not because it's wrong sometimes we just don't know sometimes we just don't realize and sometimes we do realize and I mean, I know I do. I'll catch myself in my patterns and I'm like, wow, you're being a stubborn very resistant, close minded individual right now. You know, and I'm like smack smack and sometimes I'm like so what this is what I'm gonna do right now because this is where I'm sitting I need to sit with this right now because I'm also a feeler of my feelings like I have to I'm like the we joke about being like the emo dark the darkness and it's not because I think I need to sit in that but I have to honor that for me. I learned that about myself like I do really well with it because if not that side of me feels really left out and like it wants to be spoken to. And it's like when I honor it because I'm really big on the polarity of life of both sides. No sides better than the other. I have to do that. For me though. Like me, you You might not work that way. Some people are a little bit more like sunshine and like, you know, like, whoo. And I have those moments, but I also have like, low moments and like the darkness that a lot of people walk away from. And so what I'm getting at here, you guys is like when you really start to get to know yourself, you no longer shame yourself for the dark moments you. You're like, Oh, hey, you're here today. Okay, let's talk, which is my mechanism of how I talk to the different emotions because we're like so multifaceted. We have all these different things and I say like bring them bring the home girls to the table. Let's talk about them. You got like psycho girl over there, you got overly emotional there you got depressive Nancy over there. Hey guys, while here who's missing out here who needs some love today. And that's like, when we just really recognize those things instead of seeing something bad or something different because you're comparing yourself to like Jenny and Sue out there that everyday it seems like they show up and they're attend, they're on top of the world, their personalities beaming and all these things it's like the way that they handle life might be very different than you do and it doesn't make it wrong. But it does it does help and I think that goes back to the human design goes back to self goes back to whether you want happiness, love finances, money, a business, the best job in the world. Find yourself first and I think the rest of the stuffs going to come like it not think it comes from self it's the direct reflection you know, the radiance that emits from us energetically emotionally as well as the have the ability to become strategic in those endeavors. Because it's the belief system of either what we deem we cannot have and or shall bring shall bring in to ourselves, you know, so anyway, if you have any final thoughts on top of your final thoughts, you can share them now. Because it's been an absolute pleasure having you on the show. I feel like we could go on for like three days of conversation in this because it's like, this is some some cool shit I like.

Nicole Laino  41:51  
And I think this was awesome. I was actually just gonna say in the vein of what you what you said, I don't know. Do you know that quote that poem by Rumi, the guesthouse? Everything that you just explained with the with the emotions. I just thought that this might be kind of poignant. I don't know. If Rumi's words are going to be better than any words that we came up with some really good words, but we're not going to outdo Rumi, that it's this poem that goes this being human is a guest house every morning a new arrival, a joy, a depression, a meanness. Some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. welcome and entertain them all. Even if they're a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture still treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight and it goes on but that's I like you were saying that and I was like Oh, it's this this being human is a guest house is all I could think of while you were saying

Danielle Aime  42:47  
that one that's beautiful though a like maybe kind of humble like

Nicole Laino  42:52  
I get emotional and I Yeah, but but can you do that? Can you greet sad Sally and angry Alice? And all of those those you know what we see as as unwelcome visitors? Can you can you treat them like a friend that is there to to help you in some way. It's serving you in some way.

Danielle Aime  43:12  
Yeah, they matter because you matter. Like they do put them at the round. I call them we put yourself in the center and you have a round table. And they all sit around you and you you talked him sometimes you have so many of them. There's another table outside table. Everybody's welcome. Even the quiet ones in the back. But anyway, it's been an absolute pleasure. I will have Nicole's information. So if you guys want to go seek her out and find her and follow her. I think her stuff is phenomenal. I know I've learned a lot today. Thank you so much for tuning in to another episode of the daring to be human podcast. Until next time, keep on feeling those feelings and expanding further on your soul journey. If you want more head over to Darren to be human COMM For show notes links to any resources mentioned in today's episode. And if you are looking to take your human journey to the next level, be sure to check out my private member's community. The links are waiting for you at daring to human.com

 

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Nicole Laino

Master Coach

Nicole Laino is a startup Founder, Business Strategist & Master Alignment Coach. She's also the host of the Limitless Entrepreneur Podcast and a self-proclaimed "Type-A Hippie". Her Practical Manifesting Framework uses Human Design and tools like The Rapid Relief Technique and NLP to help ambitious women heal their relationship with money, harness their feminine energy, and break free from subconscious patterns of perfectionism and over-analyzing so they can sell and serve at their highest level - without burning out. Unlike other mindset coaches who focus only on the energetics of business, Nicole uses her background in corporate, entrepreneurship, and the start-up world to advise her clients on developing their sustainable multiple 6-figure business strategy while opening up to abundance.